In part three of our Zombie Apocalypse interviews, The Farm had the most peculiar pleasure of sitting down with The School of Survival’s Survivalism Expert Donald Straite. As always we here at SFG are dedicated to ensuring that our readership does not become a buffet for the undead. Having said that, we bring you the wealth of knowledge in the following interview.
SFG: Hi Donald, we understand that you are the Survivalism Expert at The School of Survival. With that being said, what sort of responsibilities do you have at the school?
Several, but the main task is training the others in long term techniques so the School will continue into the future, in fact I’m working on re-population at the moment.
SFG: Being an expert in your field, you must maintain a rather dangerous quality about you, what sort of training and experience have you had in order to fulfil your duties for Dr. Dale?
I started several years ago working for the Cloud Appreciation Society, and over the years I have studied several dangerous threats to the human race, including, aliens, sars, global warming and hurricanes.
SFG: We would imagine that given your area of expertise, that you would work very closely with Judy (Head of Research and Development). Basically, do you help in the testing of newly developed weaponry?
Yes, she tests them on me.
SFG: Given your association with the Skegness Alien Abduction Society, do you feel that having survived an alien abduction gives you an edge in the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse? Also, if aliens were to finally take over could they possibly become infected by the zombies?
My time with the Skegness group ended in disaster, as they wouldn’t believe my account of my abduction, but it has given me valuable information on dealing with non-humans. As I believe aliens are so cunning they would destroy all Zombies, Oh and us of course.
SFG: In your most expert opinion, what is the most efficient way to dispatch a zombie when you are unarmed?
I am growing fond of always wearing high- healed shoes, they make me look taller, and can pierce the skull and, if high enough, reach the brain.
SFG: In your Bio you state that you regularly use the moat at the school in your training. Can zombies enter the water? Are we to be fearful of the water?
Zombies can walk under the water, but if we create a strong wave it will knock them off course. I believe that if we keep very still under water they will find it difficult to smell us. I am still working on this, and will let you know when the final results are known.
SFG: If you found yourself alone during the zombie uprising, having been separated from your team, do you have a plan set in place to ensure your solitary survival?
I am learning to sail at the moment, and will cross the seas in a fully laden ship.
SFG: Being the procrastinators that we Farmhands are, we currently have no plans in place and will likely become separated fairly quickly. Do you have any tips for surviving in a farm type situation?
Freeze some sheep to be used as both food and/or a sharp pointy stick—legs are good for this.
SFG: Worst case scenario, you are trapped in a root cellar and another farmhand, I mean team member, is acting suspicious, how do you keep the paranoia from taking control?
At the school we constantly practice yoga, it shows up a person’s karma very clearly, if it is different to the rest of your team — kill them immediately.
As one can easily see, The School of Survival has indeed thought of every possible scenario to surviving the Zombie Apocalypse and this in depth interview lends credence to that fact. Check back regularly for our next interview with Tristen Granger, orphaned nephew of Dr. Dale, as we are hoping to gain insight to The School of Survival and it’s top notch team of experts.
Til then, always be diligent and keep survival at the forefront of your thoughts. A healthy diet of Resident Evil can only prepare you for what will come. Remember, The Apocalypse can happen at any time and the future of the human race depends on you.
We would like to thank Donald Straite for the interview and his continued devotion to the cause.
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Interview with Dr. Dale Interview with Judy O’Dae
